You and I will officially meet in 17 days. I’ve been waiting for you a long time, but more officially since March 28 when we were given our options as outreach leaders.
Whenever I think about you, there’s a battle within me. One side is expectant of so much joy- the laughter of children, the excitement of discovering a new place, the dancing and singing of new friends. And another side says be ready to be broken- broken by the pain, by the corruption, broken by misplaced children, absent fathers, easily avoidable diseases and the stories of the voiceless.
Which voice do I listen to? Do I pretend and tell myself it will be amazing? The most enjoyable 11 weeks of my life? Will I choose to skim over the pain, to avoid the brokenness and hurt, in order to safeguard my heart? Or do I look too far and only see the broken? Will I be overwhelmed by it all, seeing darkness and hurt, without seeing the small glimpses of joy and hope in-between?
Togo, I have no intention of fixing you. My “goal” as a team leader is not to come sweep over you and point out all that’s dark and broken. It’s my intention to feel it all, and to love you. I will choose to love, even when it seems impossible. I will choose to love, even when the love is not returned. I will choose to love, because He was the one who loved me first, even when it seemed impossible and I didn’t love Him back.
So Togo- I’ll be seeing you in 17 days. In between now and then there will be numerous emails, conversations, plans made, finances turned in, lectures heard, prayers prayed and songs sung. As a team we’ll be packing (and repacking), praying, planning, praising Him for what He has done, and what He will do. We’ll be finishing off a portion of this school, almost a bit too rushed to get us to you. We’ve been waiting, and our time is almost here.
It couldn’t come a moment too soon.
Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there
My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there
You still have me
You still have my heart
You have me- Gungor